Meant to be ....Then

     I heard a song today that said something like " we aren't meant to be, but we WERE meant to be then." How right that is! I have had 2 men in my life that I have cried over and wondered if this is what the plan was for me, why did you bring them into my life?? Just to torture me? But no, we WERE MEANT TO BE while it happened. I have the 3 most beautiful children a mom could ask for. And without those men, they wouldn't be here with me. It's funny that when I went through my breakup and divorce all I wanted was for them to be miserable. For them to hurt and cry and see what it was like to not be okay. And there were times, that I did get just what I wanted. But it didn't do anything for me.... All it did was make me wish they were okay. Now that I have healed from the wounds of those relationships all I want is their friendship. I am soooooooo grateful that me and Lar are so close. That we still are such great friends and can do things together and do things as a family. And it's so wonderful to know I am loved. He would do anything for me as would I him. It's just not the kind of love that makes a marriage work. I'm thankful that he makes sure I'm taken care of and that if I need help with something, he never hesitates. Now, Andy gets out soon.... and all I hope for is that we can be friends. I know that it is quite possible that that will never happen. That we will never be able to be friends. But I still hope that for Kayden, we can get along and show Kayden what matters most is him. Not his mom & dad's emotions. I know that Andy loves me and that it may not be a healthy love and it may not be reciprocated back, but I hope in that love, he can just give it knowing it is what it is. Give it in an appropriate way knowing that it is what is best for Kayden. I would be lying if I said I'm not scared of what will happen when he gets out. Because I am. But I also know I'm not the same woman now as I was when he went in. So I hope that that can give me the confidence I need to be strong with myself and the boundaries that are best for my family.... That's all for now :) Lamb Chops and Polka Dots! <3