Faith Pays Off... It Just Does

 I've decided I no longer need to figure out why something worked out. Or even how.... It doesn't matter. Having faith pays off. All religious beliefs aside, when you have faith that things will work out and you will be taken care of, you will. It's amazing how at times in my life when I've been left wondering, "Wow... what am I gonna do." The solution just pops up in front of me. It may be a person, or a check I didn't expect, or a smile that gives me an idea. No matter what it is, I've truly always just been taken care of. I suppose I must have really spectacular angels on my side because everything has always just worked out for me. I think that when you put off happy energy, that is what you get in return. Karma has a funny way of showing itself in everyday little things. I believe that what you give is what you get. I have my faults and I will never deny that, but I think I'm a pretty good person so I in turn am blessed with great people in my life. Lots of positive things have happened for me and my team because I took a negative event and made something great out of it. I am not one bit worried about one thing right now in my life. I know in my heart, everything is as it should be. And when it is time for something to change, it will. Life is what you make it. Everyone has things in life that suck, however, YOU are who decides what sea to sail.... YOU are who decides what the outcome may be.... I think people try to over analyze life entirely too much. You will never know why everything happens, and you probably aren't suppose to. All that matters is the power is in your own hands to mold life as you want it. Have a little faith that life will be as it should be... and you might possibly feel a sigh of relief.

Feeling Today: Optimistic

Gratitude...

 I said something to myself this morning that I don't ever want to forget. Perhaps I will quote myself one day hahaha "The greatest gift in life is being able to feel gratitude. When its harder to find something you aren't blessed with as opposed to something you are... you know you've won."  When I was driving to work thinking about this, it truly is the greatest gift ever. There are so many people in the world who have just about everything, but if they don't have gratitude, what do they really have? You can have everything in the world, but if you can't be thankful and realize how much you are truly blessed with, you are the poorest man on earth. I find myself on a regular basis just saying thank you out loud. I look at everything I have and am so so blessed. I truly have to think really hard about something I'm not blessed with. I have so many positive things that fill my life, that there isn't even room for negative. I watched my son learn to ride his bike last night without training wheels. I was the proudest mom ever and all I could think of is how blessed I am to have these kids. How blessed I am that God chose me to be their mom and get the opportunity to watch them grow and learn. We bbq'd hamburgers on the big front deck and all I could think was how blessed I was to have this adorable little house to fill with love with my family. I would say gratitude is one of the greatest feelings ever. I can't imagine how unhappy life would be if I weren't able to be thankful for everything I have. Reverting back to my quote... I am winning. I have never been as happy in my life as I am today. I have never had more blessings in my life as I do now. Perhaps that is because I wasn't able to see them before, but how great it is to see them now....


Feeling Today: Thankful

All Because of a Door...

  After the boys soccer games this morning I wasn't sure just what exactly I was going to do with myself. I haven't had an entire day to myself, with nothing planned in I don't even know how long. So I called my Grandma, got lots of love from her and decided I would try and tackle some things around the house. I got some solar lights and lined my cute little driveway with them and decided to try and paint my front door. My dad had told me he would do it but I just wanted to prove to myself I could. After one coat, I stood back and just started crying. It's incredible how emotions can come out in the smallest thing. Standing back, looking at my little house made me realize just how far I've come. I am so incredibly proud of myself and this journey I've traveled. Painting a door seems like such a simple task, but doing it myself without help was a big thing for me. I've learned to do things that I never thought I would. I've become this independent woman that I didn't know I could be. A door... brought me to tears. These emotions of joy and pride are filling my body and it feels great. I also mowed my lawn, something I've never done and although it sucked, it felt amazing to do it myself. I've been so blessed all my life with an amazing dad and a husband that took great care of me. They both always made sure I didn't have to tackle physical things and they would handle them for me. However, knowing now that I can and AM doing things independently is a feeling like none other. I sit and look at this little house I've made into our home and I realize that it's all because of me...no one else. I am learning and tackling one new thing at a time and every time I do it feels great. I've learned such a big lesson in life.... independence. I truly feel that when love finally finds me again it will be so much better than before because I'm an independent woman choosing and wanting it, not needing it. No matter what direction life takes me from this point forward, I will never fall again. I can do it.... and I have... and I will continue... And it feels amazing. Having love from someone else is amazing. And losing it hurts... but learning to love yourself is better than anything. I am Chelsea f*ckin Carson. Hear me roar....

Feeling Today: Proud

Having Faith

 There is an awesome quote by Helen Keller that says "Faith is not a cushion I fall back upon; it is my working energy." Never have I felt that quote so strong. I was told something today that literally took the breath out of my body. I was given news today that rattled every bone in my body. I have wondered a lot lately if the decisions being made have even been thought out or just quickly decided. My families wellbeing is hanging on someone else's clothes line right now and I can't stand it. I've spent the last year of my life learning to be independent and learning to rely only on myself. I feel like right now that is being taken from me. I have to believe that everything will work out. That I have amazing angels that will carry me through this and into something good. If I don't what else do I have?? Something has to carry me through to a brighter sunlight. It's always scary when people come into your life and you aren't sure which direction you are being lead into.... The scariest thing in life is feeling like you don't have control. I've blogged about it before and I have to remind myself of that now. The scariest thing about this, is feeling like I don't have control over me and my children's lives.... As a mother, there isn't anything worse. So, I either start taking a different path or wait.... and see what happens. For the last week I've been breaking out in hives on a nightly basis and it's been miserable. I've thought that it has to be something I'm allergic to but now I'm leaning towards pure stress... So... faith is what I must live and breath for now. There are angels watching me and I KNOW they will take care of me... They always have.

Feeling: Scared and Unsure

Holding Each Other Up

   One of the greatest things about having girlfriends is you are always there to hold each other up. I have the greatest girlfriends right now than I've ever had in my entire life. Perhaps that's because high school is long gone and drama isn't what anyone is after anymore. Whatever the case.... I love it. I've grown into a strong independent woman and I love being able to help my friends who are struggling. Watching my friends go through rough times and hurt kills me. However, knowing that I can walk with them and hopefully provide encouraging words to help get them through feels great. So many wonderful people helped keep me afloat through my divorce and I'm no one let me drowned. I hope that I can be that life jacket that someone needs when they are struggling. My friends mean just as much to me as my family and I want nothing but the very best for them. Girls... you know who you are. I love and adore you and I won't let you walk alone. I know sometimes advice isn't always what you want and am happy to have a hug ready and a shoulder to cry on whenever you need it. We are strong and we will get through anything. There are always people in life who try and break you. That is inevitable. However, look at it as a compliment. They only want to break people that are doing better than them in life. Don't let people's petty bullshit and words get you down. Love you always!!

Feeling Today: Inspired

Finally Able To Breathe....

 Can I just tell you how amazing it feels to finally be able to breathe.... Any single mom can relate when I say, that learning to do the mom thing on your own while still juggling all of life's other responsibilities is a giant adjustment. I'm not saying it is easy, but I am finally used to the routine of things and I just feel like I can finally breathe. I can't tell you how at peace I am with life right now. I have these amazing children that I feel like I can actually enjoy now. Obviously I loved them (still do!!), but with life being so hectic and unsure the past year, I haven't been able to take time to just enjoy them. And now I can... :) Nothing makes me happier than those 3 little faces looking up at me... mommy. Now that there is a better sense of calm around we are able to enjoy each other so much more. They look at their momma's smiling face now instead of her falling tears and I think it makes them breath easier now too. I obviously wish they had never seen me how I was. I wish I would have hid my emotions better and been stronger than I was. But I can't change the past. My little Kayd has developed pretty bad anxiety and it's because he is worrying about me non stop. I was told the best way to help him is to tell him everyday " Don't worry about me today baby. I will do the worrying." But it's great to know that what I can actually say is "Don't worry little baby, because momma doesn't have anything to worry about." I've heard from person after person how strong of a person I am... but I think the true strength is in my children. They have been strong and conquered a mountain with me. I am so unbelievably proud of all 4 of us and I can't even put it into words. We will forever be tight and bonded because we sailed an extremely rough sea together. We are finally on smooth waters and I know in my heart that nothing but great things will continue to come for us. I love knowing that I am not sad anymore.... I am not worried... I am not anxious... I am not even angry... I am just at peace. :) What happened to us happened for a reason. I've learned truly important lessons and finally met Chelsea....It's funny that a year ago all I could think of was how would I ever be happy again. I couldn't possibly be ok until I found a man again.... Well I'm happy to say that I AM happy... all on my own. My team is all I need....
Feeling Today: At Peace