Where Does Time Go??

Where does time go? Such a funny thing time is. When it's something you want to hurry up along, like the healing process, it takes forever. But when it's something you want to slow down, it breezes by. Today my little man Kyler turns 6 years old. I look back and it seems like it was just barely that I was anxiously waiting for them to just induce me and get him out! And now here he is, half way through Kindergarten, and 6! He is so full of life and always wanting to experience everything to the fullest. There are times when I wonder why he asks so many questions or has to do and try everything possible. But I've come to realize he's just being a kid. He's learning and trying to take everything in that he possibly can. This little guy ALWAYS has a hug for me and an "I love you mom." He's still curls up small to snuggle with me and needs his "mommy" every once in a while. It's funny to watch your kids grow up and watch them become more and more independent everyday. One of these days, these crazy boys of mine aren't going to need me as much. In fact, one of these days, I'll be a little old lady who needs them. I hope that when the day comes that I am helpless, my boys don't even hesitate and come to my aid when I need them. Kayden got the leader of the week award at school yesterday, and Kyler has STRAIGHT A's on his report card! There are times I wonder if I'm just completely screwing this whole parenting gig up. But then things like that happen and I realize I'm raising some pretty awesome kids. Kyler... you are one incredible little boy. You keep living life to the fullest and wanting to experience everything. You fall down, but you always bounce back up so quickly. I have no doubt we'll have more stitches in our future, but if your cup is full that's all I care about. Don't ever aim anywhere less than the moon and remember I'm here watching and supporting you to succeed. You are truly a miracle to me. I love you son. Happy 6th birthday.

Fresh Start

 So 3 weeks ago Kayden got to go on his first visit with his grandparents in 2 years. Followed by a breakfast and fun day at their house on Saturday. I was quite anxious the first time and it got a little bit better on Saturday. This is a fresh start for Kayden and his family and I'm so excited for my son that he gets to rebuild these relationships. Our past and our issues should not come in the way of him having the relationships that he rightfully deserves. Lots of friends of mine have said, "You're a better person than I am because I just couldn't do it. Not after all the crap they've done." I suppose though one of my strengths/weaknesses is that I am a very very forgiving person. At times it has really benefitted me and at times it's really hurt me. But in a time like this, what they've done to me doesn't matter. This isn't ME rebuilding a relationship with them, it's my son rebuilding a relationship with them. I don't know where this will go and if eventually it will turn sour again. However, I do know that seeing my son's smile when he gets home and how excited he is to tell me about his time is the reassurance I need at this time. Sometimes it is so hard for people to put aside the drama from the past to move forward in the future. So frequently we forget that events from our pasts are what have made us grow. If you choose not to move forward you'll idle forever. I guess sometimes it's best to tear the whole garden out and plant new seeds to see what grows. There will be weeds that grow and flowers that die, but what survives is the true beauty of all the work.