Off...

     Ya know those days where you're just off? You aren't exactly sad or grouchy, just off.... That's where I am today. Last week was one crappy day after the last. I can't tell if I'm stressed out or just worn out from previous stress. Andy has continued to cause bullshit in my life and he's only been out a month. I've ignored him for the last month trying not to get into it with him, however, Saturday I had had enough. I stuck up for myself and it felt great. Do I plan on getting into it with him on a regular basis? No. I will continue to ignore his bullshit. But sometimes you reach a point where you get sick of hearing how every problem someone has somehow is your fault. As much as I try to not let him stress me out, it's incredibly hard not to. 13 years left and counting... But even that drama isn't what is getting me today. I don't actually know what is... I just know I'm off and I don't feel right. Maybe I'm still searching for answers that will never be found. I guess the person who knows the answers knows the plan and that is all that matters. I think I just feel like that isn't good enough for me. But that isn't up to me and I need to accept that. I'm trying really hard to remind myself God has a plan for me and my team and that it must be better than what we had because why else would he switch it up? But sometimes it's hard to believe that. I'm at this point where he is definitely not the person I want to be with. I don't want to be back with him, and things will never be fixed. But I am still struggling with the fact that my kids live in a broken home. We are not one big happy family like we used to be. That is where I struggle. I don't want to be with him at this point, but I do wish none of it had ever happened and life would have continued on blissfully. I need to feel something. I need to feel inspired and hopeful. I guess today just isn't the day I'm going to feel these things. Tomorrow will be a better day... Hell, maybe something will happen this afternoon that puts a smile on my face...