Epiphany

I realize that this word "Epiphany" sounds so .... cliche. But seriously, I had just that! An epiphany! Yesterday! About this control thing. Like seriously, just like in a movie! There I was working away and I swear to you time stopped, everyone froze, I looked up and said " OMG. That's it! This is where all this anxiety is coming from!" And it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't even explain the high I got from this except to say I think a small piece of heaven now existed inside my body. There had to have been angels dancing and singing all around me. My heart felt open and clean and my mind was just at peace. Realizing that allllllllllllllllllllll my fears from my entire life, but specifically the last 8 months, all reverted to my fear of having no control. But then it hit me, that's ok. I don't have to have control. I actually CAN'T have control. I can control no one other than myself. And my reactions about situations. I can't control him, I can't control my kids, or negative people or situations. Only myself. And how I react. And it's amazing, I was feeling so awesome and clear and I went home and my positivity made everyone at home happier. Lar was happy and playful, the boys actually behaved better than normal. Brooklynn just wanted to be with me which is actually just normal. I just felt amazing. I wanted nothing more than to bottle up that feeling and send it to every person in the world with a little note tied to it that said " Peace, Love & tranquility just for you." Who wouldn't want that amazing feeling that was somehow taking over my body?? How could it have taken so long to figure this out? People were telling me trying to get me to see but until I told myself, I couldn't hear anything. But how perfect is that? I finally LISTENED to MYSELF. And my heart and my head like shook hands and came to an agreement. And it all just cleared out. I've officially made a promise or maybe a vow to myself that everytime I get sad or down I will remember this feeling. I will go back to that moment where the world stopped and heaven entered my body. Because that... THAT was true happiness.