Sometimes you find it in yourself....

So here I am again... finding myself falling. The worst part is it is all my own fault so the shame I feel is a gigantic weight right now. I think all I can do at this point is be honest because I feel like being at this difficult place in life lets down my readers. I hear so many people say how much my blog has helped them or how much they get out of it. So when I'm struggling or feeling like I'm failing, I actually really feel like I've failed you. My blog has told my story, my struggles, watched me in hard times, and watched me in successful times. So I think in my mind I feel like I shouldn't have times I struggle. My blog shows I'm strong... so why am I not right now? I guess I'm human.... and just like everyone else sometimes I break. Unfortunately, when I break I don't like to talk about it because I'd rather the world see this incredibly strong woman, than one who is struggling. So, today as I sat here holding my tongue on the roof of my mouth so I wouldn't cry (thanks for the tip mom), I realized maybe it is ME who needs to go back and read my blog. If other people get inspiration from it, maybe re-reading the things I've said before will help ME. So, I did just that; I went back and read a few. It's funny how sometimes you are just looking to be inspired, you are just looking for the answer, and you realize you've found it in yourself. It is important for me to stay positive, but it's also important for me to feel my emotions. I can't be scared of sadness or pain, I have to feel it and take it for what it is. I think I've gotten so caught up in being wonder woman and doing it all, that I forget that I am human. I'm not going to be strong all the time, sometimes I am going to hurt and be unsure of everything being okay. But I suppose that is the first step... recognizing that it's okay to be human. So, I apologize if I've let anyone down for being not so positive right now. However, please know that seeing that people all over the world are reading my blog and maybe, just maybe, feeling the same way, or continuing to get something from my writing gives me more reason to keep going than you know. I didn't start this blog thinking anyone would read it. And I definitely didn't think it would spread like fire and I'd have readers everywhere, but I guess it just goes to show, that no matter where you are, pain is real for everyone. Whether you live in Malaysia, or Texas, people's hearts break and people feel pain and anger but if this is the place where you can take inspiration... than I suppose I can find it here too...right inside myself.