Is that me?

If someone would have come to me January 1, 2010 and said, "Chels, put on your seat belt and hold on  because you are about to go for a bumpy ride." I still don't think I would have ever been prepared for the rollarcoaster I've been on since then. Thank God I have amazing friends and family that give me that lift I need every once in a while to keep going. I hear things like, "I don't know how she does it." "She is a single mom working, doing school, and raising 3 small kids and she's DOING it!" "She inspires me" and I sit back and wonder how they could possibly be talking about me. It seems as though the days I'm struggling the most, I hear these things that remind me, I'm doing it all for a reason. Perhaps I am learning an important lesson in life, or doing soul searching for my own reasons, but to hear other people say they are getting something off my journey, and reading my blog it reminds me all the reasons I can't give up. I heard in a song today "Little miss I give up... Little miss I'll get tough don't you worry about me.." and I couldn't think of words that fit me more perfectly. I can't tell you how many times I've thrown my hands up and said "Ok I can't take anymore. I give up." and then realized a few minutes later, "Oh no I don't... put your big girl panties back on and handle it head on." Anytime you think in life it can't get worse you better remember it can. Perhaps that's the reason I've tried to stay so positive is because I'm scared of worse. I hear these positive words about me and it lifts my spirits and actually inspires me that I'm inspiring others. But at the same time, it's hard to understand how I come off as this amazing person when all I see is a woman surviving. I'm trying... I'm trying really hard. I will never have all the answers and never know at what point things can suddenly careen off the path again, but I do know I've got my seatbelt on. I hope for the best, and I hope that happiness is in store for me, I think it's just hiding in places I'm not looking...