Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home

   Well where to begin... This will probably be quite the post. To start, I just can't express how nice it is to have a home again. It's such a wonderful feeling knowing that the place I live, I actually want to be. When we were at the apartments I was constantly finding something to do so that I could leave and not have to be there. But now that I'm home... I could just sit there and stare at the walls. Our little house has the happiest feel to it and it is such a positive place. The kids couldn't be happier to have a big yard to run around and ride their 4 wheelersin. Change can be so scary... and moving into a house was a big step for me. But it has brought with it so much more happiness and such a sense of peace. I'm happy to be able to provide my babies with a warm homey house to live in. :)

  Last week was a rough week for the boys. Kayd seemed to do great all week at daycare and then Friday morning hell literally broke loose. The boys created absolute havic and it only began an emotional rollarcoaster that a whole slew of us are riding. It is absolutely heartbreaking for me to watch my kids go through what they are going through knowing they have no idea any other way to express their emotions. I was able to move some appointments up to get them some help but I can't express enough how gut wrenching it is knowing you can't fix what's happened in your kids lives. All I can do is continue to love them and give them what they need and hopefully lead by example. Watching my kids express their feelings in such a destructive way has really made me sit backnd re-analyze how I myself am expressing my emotions. First and for most, my sadness. Although time has passed and I haven't been really emotional in front of my kids for quite sometime, they did see it. Kayd has told me the reason he is so good for me is because he doesn't want to see his mommy sad anymore. That's a lot for a 5 year old to take on. He's trying to protect me and keep me in his little pocket just as I am him. You don't realize when you are going through things that your kids are picking up on everything. Second, anger... I am the first to admit I get tired and worn out and low on patience. I realize that when I yell at the boys they see that that is how we express our anger. However, I vowed Friday that that has to stop. I did pretty well this weekend keeping my cool with Kyler when he was acting out and it is quite surprising how much better they respond to a calm soft tone than yelling. I sit and I realize that my boys are having to retrain themselves on how to behave. As I ponder it further,I realize I too am retraining myself on how to parent. It's hard. If it's hard for me to get out of one frame of mind, I can certainly understand how it is hard for them. All we can do though is stick together and keep cheering our team on. Everyone knows my children mean more to me than life itself, and it's at this point in time that we need each other most. Just as my family and friends have held me up through this transition in my life, I too will hold up my children for as long as they need until they feel they can walk again...