Finally Able To Breathe....

 Can I just tell you how amazing it feels to finally be able to breathe.... Any single mom can relate when I say, that learning to do the mom thing on your own while still juggling all of life's other responsibilities is a giant adjustment. I'm not saying it is easy, but I am finally used to the routine of things and I just feel like I can finally breathe. I can't tell you how at peace I am with life right now. I have these amazing children that I feel like I can actually enjoy now. Obviously I loved them (still do!!), but with life being so hectic and unsure the past year, I haven't been able to take time to just enjoy them. And now I can... :) Nothing makes me happier than those 3 little faces looking up at me... mommy. Now that there is a better sense of calm around we are able to enjoy each other so much more. They look at their momma's smiling face now instead of her falling tears and I think it makes them breath easier now too. I obviously wish they had never seen me how I was. I wish I would have hid my emotions better and been stronger than I was. But I can't change the past. My little Kayd has developed pretty bad anxiety and it's because he is worrying about me non stop. I was told the best way to help him is to tell him everyday " Don't worry about me today baby. I will do the worrying." But it's great to know that what I can actually say is "Don't worry little baby, because momma doesn't have anything to worry about." I've heard from person after person how strong of a person I am... but I think the true strength is in my children. They have been strong and conquered a mountain with me. I am so unbelievably proud of all 4 of us and I can't even put it into words. We will forever be tight and bonded because we sailed an extremely rough sea together. We are finally on smooth waters and I know in my heart that nothing but great things will continue to come for us. I love knowing that I am not sad anymore.... I am not worried... I am not anxious... I am not even angry... I am just at peace. :) What happened to us happened for a reason. I've learned truly important lessons and finally met Chelsea....It's funny that a year ago all I could think of was how would I ever be happy again. I couldn't possibly be ok until I found a man again.... Well I'm happy to say that I AM happy... all on my own. My team is all I need....
Feeling Today: At Peace