My Own Success...

     There have been so many times through out life that I have just not felt good enough. Like I did everything backwards or possibly just failed. I wasn't sure that I would ever be able to make people proud of me, but I wanted it so bad. However, I sit here now realizing that BECAUSE things have gone so crazy for me, that is why people are proud of me. It feels so great to hear my parents say how proud of me they are. I grew into a strong woman and an amazing mother. To hear my friends tell me they look up to me and they think I'm incredible makes me smile. I feel like although the situation was shitty, I've proven so much to myself that I didn't know I could do. But never once, did those around me doubt that I could. They had faith in me and that faith gave me the push I needed. For them, watching me succeed has given them so much pride. It's a great feeling to know that I am not this giant failure I always wondered if I was. Not only have I not failed at anything, but I've taken every adversity thrown at me and made a positive change with it. How many people can truly say they have done that? My kids don't know much now about how hard I work for us, or that me doing homework all the time is for them, but when they get older they too will be so proud of their momma. I know that many many people have said to me, "Why do you care what other people think about you anyways?" but, no one wants to feel like they have failed their families. My older sister is amazing and has accomplished so much. I've always wondered how can I live up to all that she has done. But I can't. I'm just doing something different and I'm doing a great job at it. I know that I'm not a failure in her eyes by the encouraging words she has given me and the public recognition she puts out there of how proud she is of her baby sister. I choke up because I finally realize, I'm not a failure. I have done things differently...yes. I have even done some things backwards... but I have succeeded in all my own ways.