Bigger Picture

 Today is the "new" 1 year anniversary for me and Larry. A year ago today he asked me if it was too late or if I'd give him another chance. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever heard. I waited so long to hear those words and finally decided I never would. Then... out of the blue.. he said it. I sat there in shock and made him worry beyond belief if he should have even asked. My emotions jumped from happy to terrified to joyful to scared and then I just said yes. Yes... I would take him back. I knew I could have been making either the biggest mistake of my life, or the best decision I'd ever make. Now, a year has come and gone and I am happier than I have ever been. 3 years ago I was trying to grasp hold of anything that would make me feel ok. And today... it all makes sense. There was a post I wrote shortly after he left that I said ok God... I know you're there but it certainly feels like you've deserted me. And I realize today that not only did he NOT desert me, but he cried with me. He didn't look down and say Ha! Look at you suffer! He looked down and said, "Child I know you are hurting and I am hurting with you and I know this is hard, but trust me... there is a bigger picture," and boy was he right. There are struggles throughout the span of our lives that make us wonder why? Why am I STILL hurting, why won't this or that just go away, when will it all just be okay? But there IS a reason. No matter what God or Gods you pray to or what your beliefs are it is so important to understand that sometimes your timing and your path of choice isn't going to correlate with the big man's. There will be times you feel beyond alone and wondering where did you go so wrong. But if you can just trust me, and understand that there is a bigger picture that you just can't see yet you'll feel just a little more at ease. Had I not gone through what I did, I would not be the strong independent woman I am. Had we not gone through this together, our relationship wouldn't be even close to as solid and strong as it is today. I didn't have to know the ending or understand the why; that wasn't for me to know. The important part was that I walked my journey exactly as God planned and in the end came out better than MY plan would have allowed me. I still have my struggles and there will be even more times in life when I just don't understand. But.. I will know better that faith is all I need. It isn't easy to not know the answers and it isn't easy to not know the plan, but if you can just trust that there IS one... one day you'll wake up and see the skies are so much bluer than you could have imagined.