Once again it's been awhile. But that's okay. Maybe me being so happy has given me less to write about. Maybe I just write better when my life is up in shambles. Anyways, a year and a half has gone by now that Andy has been in prison and neither him, nor his family, have had contact with Kayden since then. It's not that I ever denied it, they just haven't ever contacted me. The last few months I've really struggled inside. I have this amazing little boy who misses his family so much. But at the same time, I've had all that emotion and anger towards this family rearing its head at the same time. So I've really struggled with do I contact them or not? Well at the end of December I decided yes, its time. If it is possible for a relationship to be rebuilt for my son and his family that was important to me. Despite our disagreements, animosity, and anger towards each other, they ARE his blood. They ARE his family. No matter how I may feel about them, I will never deny my son of his right to have a relationship with them. So I reach out to Andy's mom the end of December to see if she'd like to talk. After a few text messages were exchanged she said she'd talk to Rich (Andy's dad) and get back with me with a time. Well, that was the last I heard from her. I suppose that made me believe that they didn't want that relationship at this point and I could move on with my life knowing I tried for my son. I would never have to lie to him that I tried, because I truly did wholeheartedly. Then, yesterday, she text me. She wants to talk but it's best that it's just her and I for now. Obviously I won't complain because I feel she is more level headed and the conversation will go better without Rich in it. So today is the day. Today is the day that I finish what I started. Am I ready for all this? Probably not. But is it something I have to do ?..... yes. The nerves I have are ridiculously high, and I wonder what do we even say? Where does the conversation start? I don't want to go backwards. That wasn't the point of me contacting her. I have truly & wholeheartedly forgiven Andy, and his family for any pain they've caused me AND Kayden. It was hard, and it took a lot of soul searching in myself but I did. Andy is an addiction, and his parents are HIS PARENTS. Although they've been out of line plenty of times, they are his parents and who's to say I wouldn't be on attack for my children no matter what too? I know how much that they love my son. I know they have hurt and probably continue to hurt without him in their lives. Am I taking a giant risk? Absolutely. But more than anything, all I want is for Kayden to feel complete and happy. At this age, he can't feel that without knowing all of his family. My life has been quiet, and nice, and pleasant the last year and a half with this part of our lives on hold. And I am apprehensive if reopening this gate is just going to cause a giant stress. But this is something I started and chose, and now it's something that I must finish. There are times in life, where you leap. Sometimes for yourself, and sometimes for others. But when you leap for your child, its a fall you are more than willing to take no matter how hard you hit the ground. I may splatter into a million pieces in the end, but if there's one thing I know about myself, it is that I will put myself right back together, stand tall, and know that I truly did what was best for my son.
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