Moving Day Approaches...

Wow it's been a bit since I wrote huh. Well my Ky bug turned 3 Sunday. So crazy. Soooo crazy. He's definitely got the 3 year old attitude but it's so weird to think how fast he is growing. We had a bbq for his birthday and then he went with his daddy for a birthday at the park too. I made the decision to get an apartment. We move Saturday. I just decided I need to be closer to everything now. My house is just way too far out there. It's so weird to look back and remember how excited I was to get our house. I couldn't wait to get in and it felt like it would never happen. And now I can't wait to get out. It's so full of memories that I can't even walk down the stairs without tearing up. I visualize him on the couch Sunday mornings with a big " Good morning baby" and now nothing. Friday was his last day watching the kids while I am at work and I can't decide if it will be easier now or harder. It's weird to go from seeing someone everyday for 4 years to a couple times a week. I worry about how the kids will do not seeing daddy. Especially Kyler. What a mess. Me and the kids got our family pictures done though with just us so those pictures can fill the walls of our new "home". It is hard looking at them and not seeing his and Rhyan's faces too. But it is what it is and I have to get used to it. Luckily I've been able to see Rhy quite a bit really. She had a sleep over at my house last weekend and then I saw her this weekend a few times. I miss her like crazy and she tells me how much she misses me. Makes me sad :( I also wonder if me and him are being too friendly and if it might be confusing our kids. It's hard though to draw bounderies when for once, you start feeling normal again. But I can't live in a pretend world especially if it makes it worse for my kids. Who knows, too much thinking for me. We had to get rid of JayJay because I couldn't take him to our new apartment. How sad was that I can't even tell you. And now the kitty is going today. I hate feeling like I've lost everything but my kids because of someone else's decision. I want to feel like I can regain some control of my life again. In time I guess it will happen. Things have gotten easier so I hope that up is the only direction to go.