The Big Move...

Well yesterday was the big moving day. What an emotional thing. Friday night Kyler was with Larry and Kayden was with Rich and Lisa so it was just me and Brooklynn. I did a lot of crying. It was weird to be alone for my last night in that house. Very hard. I thought I would cry a lot yesterday so I didn't wear mascara. However, thanks to Jeremy being there I laughed most of the day. He made it a lot easier for me. If not for him I probably would have cried most of the day. I haven't taken much time to process it and maybe that is a good thing. I think once I start to really think about no longer having that home I made into a home with him and my kids it will be really hard. I got moved into my apartment thanks to help from awesome friends and family. And my mom and Tammy were at my house until 9:30 last night helping me make it a home. I'm relieved to be out of that house with all the memories everywhere I look. The apartment is small compared to the house but fairly roomy. I just have to remind myself this is a start to a new life for me and my kids. We can start fresh. Start new. Since the boys are gone I also spent the first night in our new home with just me and Brooklynn. It was kind of hard to sleep even though I was exhausted with so many things going through my head but we did alright. I'm relieved that I am closer to my parents and more or less EVERYTHING. Especially the times I'm feeling down and need to be with my family. Just a quick 5 minute drive. People are still telling me how amazingly strong I am, and I hope that I really am. It doesn't feel like it. I just am doing what I have to to survive for me and my kids. I keep hearing the lyrics by 30 Seconds to Mars " It's a brave new world" in my head. And I think it is for us. I am so so so grateful to all of my awesome friends who check on me on a constant basis and help me whenever I need it. You guys are what is holding me up. Everyone says " Your kids are what will get you through this." And while they are, they don't realize that it is them, my friends, who are getting me through it just as much. I know most everyone hates Andy, and for good reason he did something really sweet for me. He is an amazing artist and made me a huge picture of my kids names really cool and sent me a letter reminding me that even in this time when I feel more alone than ever, to look at my 3 beautiful children because to them I am everything and far from alone. Even though he isn't my favorite person, it meant a lot. And I could tell his apologies and everything he said was genuine. Its funny because I keep finding out people who I would never suspect would care, are the ones thinking about me and sending their regards. So thank you everyone... for everything. I love you.