Chapter Over... The End

 Yesterday was my big day. The day finally came to speak up to my victimizer and his family. Lucky for me, I had amazing support with me, my mom, dad, and Larry, and an outpouring amount of support from friends and family who couldn't come sending me messages. I was so nervous in the morning and as we pulled up to the prison gates and got let in through the big gates the reality of what I was doing continued to set in further. The tears started pouring and Lar just kept telling me, "You can do this. You and Kayden finally get your day." As we parked I saw Rich's (Andy's Dad) truck right there. The fear set in and I had to keep reminding myself that they weren't allowed in my head anymore, this was for Kayden. We walked to the gates to be buzzed in, and the barbed wire and prisoners in the yard made me realize I had entered hell. As soon as we walked into the waiting room there was his entire family. The chatter and whispering began but I kept reminding myself that they didn't matter. I asked to be separated from them and they led us into a secure room through more doors to wait. When the officer finally came and said it was time, my nerves were about to explode. As we walked through the doors to be led in, and I saw him, I just lost it. I started crying and they had to more or less pull me in. As the hearing started she told Andy he would get his chance to talk but that the victim was here to talk and she had requested that he be in the room as I did so. I wanted him to hear through my emotions what he's done to me and my son. He immediately started lying about what he hasn't done and she saw right through him. When I finally gave my statement I spoke, and I spoke strong. THIS was my moment. I let it out and I let it flow. I did so with plenty of tears but the emotions needed to be felt. I was so scared, but I knew this was the step I needed to take to finally show him and his family they played no more part in my head. After I was done he went on about how I just hate him and make his life hell and she cut him like a knife. She told him, that may be, but the evidence and your behaviors since you were 13 show me otherwise. She told him it was clear he isn't changing and probably won't and wouldn't even give him a release date; just another parole hearing March 2013. Those words showed me that I was not the only person that saw Andy in this light. All I've ever wanted was for him and his family to hear me. But I've known that would never happen without interuptions and yelling. It felt AMAZING to say all my feelings and know that NO ONE could interupt me. I was heard... and I was heard loud and clear. And most importantly, I was heard by the people that it mattered most to. I finally have closure. I stood up and I said enough is enough and I won't be victimized anymore. They are out of my life and out of my head and it's a feeling I can't even explain. I finally have the ending to this chapter I so desperately needed. The best way I can describe my feelings is through the song by Michael Buble, Feeling Good.

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Fooor me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
hu
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good




I got the last word and it felt good. Kayden was heard... and I was heard... This chapter of my life is finally over... The end.