It still amazes me how much life can change in just an instant. One day life is normal and the next it has been turned upside down. It's been 5 months but life still is not anywhere close to being filled for me. I feel like I'm walking around incomplete. I'm walking around as half a person. I believed in my heart my soulmate had finally come into my life. I was happy and content. And although I'm really doing well and I'm quite happy, I'm not complete. I feel very empty. I keep hearing everything happens for a reason and it has happened because there is something better waiting for you. Well I hope that is right because I had what I thought was the best. Life may not have been perfect, and there might have been struggles, but I wouldn't have taken a moment of it back. Its funny how you can love so many things and then something like this happens and you dread them. Songs that make you run out of restaurants crying, places that now make you nauseous. And they used to be things that brought you so much joy. I often sit and wonder when that will pass. When I will be able to hear that song and be ok. When I will be able to drive past certain places and not necessarily feel nothing... but feel ok. I know life is a journey, and sometimes you have to overcome great hurdles to get to where your suppose to be, but I also know that at sometime it has to get easier. I have amazing children, and amazing family, and amazing friends. But now my amazing person is missing. I don't do well feeling half complete. I want to feel whole again and I'm worried that won't happen. Maybe I will find someone and they will make me happy, but I honestly believe that part of my heart will always be with this person. I guess I just hope that the person I end up with can understand that and accept it for what it is. Love me despite my faults. Accept that everything about us might not be the same. We may have differences and we might like different things. But that at the end of the day, we have each other. And the fact that we can laugh together, smile together, cry together, and live together is enough...
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