Satisfied.... :)

When I started this blog I titled it "Life's Little Journey... Learning to Live Again". Well, how proud I am to say that I have finally done just that. Learned to live again. I have never in my life been so proud of myself as I am now. I feel like I am right where I need and want to be RIGHT NOW. :) When my husband left I felt like my whole world crashed. And I guess it sort of did. But in my head I thought I had lost my family. What did I have left now?! And I realized a couple months ago that I didn't lose my family... I lost my husband. I have my family and how great they are. I am fully fullfilled with where I am at right now. That healing finally happened and I feel amazing. I honestly wondered if I would ever get to this point, but I did. I stopped surviving, and started living. And it feels amazing. I have amazing friends, wonderful children, and a super supportive family. I got the closure I needed at a weird time but none the less, I got it. I now count the blessings I do have everyday and thank god for them. I start school Monday and have incredible support from everyone and am so excited. For now I am concentrating on me and my children and school. The rest can wait. I'm where I WANT to be for now. I love my children and think its great for it to be just us for awhile. I didn't lose my family... I get to hold them and love on them everyday :) It might not be the traditional family, but we are FAMILY. And we are happy... Thank you to EVERYONE who reads my blog and gets something out of it. I love knowing people care and are curious about how we are doing. Thank you to my amazing friends and family who have supported me and gotten me to the point that I am at. I not once walked alone through this, there were always MULTIPLES of you walking with me. You guys never let me and my kids feel alone but instead surrounded us with an abundance of love. Thank you. We are truly grateful.

Girls Night

Tonight has been so fun! It was just me and Brooklynn having a girls night. I can't tell you how much I love this girl!! How blessed I am to have her as my daughter. She is wayyyyyyyy too smart! She was looking at the family picture while we were sitting on the couch and she said " daddy" and I said " Nope daddy isn't in the picture is he??" and she says " Uh oooohhh" and hugs me!!! Then she wanted her binky so I told her to say please with sign language and showed her by rubbing my chest. So she stops, reaches over, and rubs my chest! lol Little smarty pants! Then she just laughs at me. Then she wanted my phone while I was laying on the floor so I hurried and put it under the pillow I was lying on. So she crawls her little but over, sticks her arm under the pillow, takes the phone and crawl off laughing. Funny little sense of humor she has. How much joy this sweet angel brings me! How was our family ever complete before her??? I love you Boo! You've kept me laughing all night! 

~Love My Friends~

Me and Jenna 

 I SUPER love my friends!! My friend Jenna is going through a similar situation of what I went through. I can't tell you how nice it is to have someone who knows exactly what you're going through. We lean on each other for support daily. We hold each other through tears, we laugh together, drink together, we help each other with the kids. It's like her and Aijla are part of our little family. My kids adore her and Aijla adores us. It's great to have that support from each other. Her and Aijla came over for dinner last night and it was so fun. We keep her busy so she doesn't think about sad things. And she helps me with my boys. I love that she isn't afraid to correct them when they are naughty. :) It's always nice to have another parent around helping me out. My boys love to be around her and were so funny telling us last night what they are going to do to her ex! " I'm gonna put his head in a toilet!! eww gross lol" " Well I'm gonna stick his head in the garbage!!" lol It kept us laughing. From my experience this last year the most helpful thing for me were my friends and their support. I will never take for granted how awesome all of you are and how much you mean to me. Never in my life have I had such amazing friends. It's truly amazing how the right people always seem to come into your life at the right time. I never ever doubt that what is meant to be is meant to be and when things are suppose to happen they do. We love you Jenna Bean and Aijla!! You're part of our family :)

Adventures in Mommyhood part 2....

So this weekend I'm just going to be honest. My kids drove me NUTSO!! I had like the worst day on Saturday for some reason and of course my kids could feel it. So they fed off my crap attitude and were terrors!!! Or maybe it was just that I was in such a bad mood that they seemed worse than they were. I don't know but either way I was losing my mind. Thank god Saturday evening Jenna came over and took over. I love that my friends will come be mommy for me when I'm struggling and need help. Sunday they went with their dad so I could get a break. And it was nice. But.... I miss them soooo much. :( Lar kept them over night and the point of that was so I could get some good sleep. So how does it work out that I slept horribly?? I couldn't hear Brooklynn breathing and Kyler didn't run in my room and sneak in my bed. And it super sucked. I'm not a perfect mom. And I will never claim to be. I think every mom always has room for improvement. And its the times after I get mad at my kids that I feel the worst. They are just kids. Doing exactly what kids are suppose to do. I love my babies so much and can't wait to get home and love the crap out of them. Nothing in life makes me feel more fulfilled than being their mom. Making them dinner, kissing their owies, tucking them into bed, cuddling with them, and of course, giving them lots of hugs and kisses is what makes me happy. I hope they forgive me for my bad attitude on Saturday. I love you guys so so so so much and am sooooooooooooo proud to be your mommy! <3

Make Em Proud!!

So I'm very excited right now!! I'm going to start back at school!! And I don't have as much time left as I thought!!! I love school and it's time I quit putting it off and finish up! I have had excuses for the last 3 years of why I haven't continued on, but excuses are like assholes, everyone has one. Doesn't matter how valid they have been, they have held me back. I'm ready to make my kids, family, & friends proud. I'm ready to finish up and start a career!! I want to be able to make my children proud of their mom. I want to teach my kids that no obstacle is too big that it can't be over come! So.... I'm goin back!! I meet with my Academic Adviser tonight and I'm so excited! I would be lying if I said I'm not nervous. I definitely am. Being a single mom and trying to juggle work AND school will be a challenge. But I'm up for it. I'm doing this for all of us. :) Wish me luck!!

~*My Spaghetti Momma*~

Little Miss Brooklynn has quite the appetite!! She can eat just as much as her brothers!! How is she staying so tiny??? Here are some pictures of my little Spaghetti Momma!! She looks like a pumpkin with blue eyes!!

The Pictures I Promised

I haven't put up pictures of the Kidlets lately so here ya go :) Feast your eyes on my beautiful children :)

Kayd's Fishing Adventure:

 Happy Halloween :)

My Ky Boog!!! <3

 Kayden Loves Taking Pictures!!

 Chuckie Cheese Adventure

 How hilarious is this!!!

Yes I stuffed her in her toy bucket! She didn't want to help clean up her toys So..... She became one of her toys.